NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – Liza Minnelli will walk down the aisle for a fourth time next March. She’s getting hitched to the producer of Michael Jackson’s recent 30th anniversary concert, David Gest. The Gloved One introduced the pair during the tribute concert and will serve as a best man at the nuptials.

CLEVELAND – Despite fears of anthrax-tainted mail, 99 percent of Americans still plan to send Christmas cards this year, according to a survey by American Greetings.

CARMEL, Calif. – Julia Child is one big tomato: She’s just had a strain of organic tomatoes named after her. Grower Gary Ibsen will sell packs of the “Julia Child” tomato seeds and says the fruit has a bold, earthy taste which “isn’t for sissies.”

MEXICO CITY – Two female school teachers in the Mexican state of Yucatan have been fired for wearing pants and miniskirts to class. The school’s principal claims the garb can be “distracting” to students, but the students don’t agree: 1000 of them protested to have the teachers reinstated.

WELLINGTON, N.Z. – Mall Santas in New Zealand have little to “ho ho ho” about this season. Local shopping malls are being asked to avoid laughing loudly to avoid freaking out the young’ uns.

GLENHOPE, N.Z. – New Zealand motorists are getting bugged by a new traffic sign warning them of wasps. No one has been stung by the critters but some drivers have been so freaked out they’ve gotten in numerous traffic accidents and one fatality.

LOS ANGELES – Comedian Rodney Dangerfield doesn’t even get respect on his 80th birthday. He suffered a mild heart attack and is currently recovering in intensive care in Los Angeles hospital. He was quoted to say “Who gave me this present?”

DALLAS – A passenger at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport accidentally fired a hunting rifle while demonstrating to airline officials it was not loaded as required by security requirements. No one was injured and only a window was shattered. The passenger was then allowed to board the plane.

TOKYO – Japanese mountain climbers should be flushed with happiness that local authorities near Mount Daisen have decided to dump a whopping $600,000 into a new public toilet at the top of the two-mile-high mountain top. People had complained the old ones “smelled really bad.”

LONDON – British citizens and celebrities are getting behind five shopkeepers who are fighting in court this week for their right to sell produce using British Imperial Measurements instead of the metric system. The shopkeepers were previously prosecuted for weighing bananas with pounds and ounces.