NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – Talk about being nosy: The Star tabloid is reporting that Michael Jackson is wearing a fake nose these days because of his numerous plastic surgeries. Reportedly, part of the prosthetic schnozz actually popped off during a recent performance in New York.

LEICESTER, Mass. – Two Massachusetts elementary schools have postponed their annual book fairs because organizers are offended over the title of one book: Captain Underpants and the Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman. A spokeswoman says the picture book is objectionable because it shows a woman reaching down a boy’s pants to give him a wedgie.

MONZA, Italy – Italy’s first two hand transplant recipients have just met for the first time to shake each other’s hand. One man lost his hand in 1997 in a firework accident, while the other lost his 22 years ago.

LONDON – England’s Virgin Record Stores are sending their Santas back to school to learn about the electronic gadgets and CDs that kids will be asking for this year. Besides learning who is hot on the music charts, the Santas will also be given a crash course in kids’ slang.

ASHBURTON, N.Z. – An overweight trapeze artist on trial for drunken driving in Ashburton, New Zealand, had an excuse that didn’t fly with the judge. He claimed he was trying to lose weight on a diet that limited his ability to absorb alcohol. The judge didn’t bite and declared him guilty.

LOS ANGELES – Benjamin Bratt may be donning surgical scrubs for his next job – as a doc on ER. That’s according to National Enquirer columnist Mike Walker, who says Julia Roberts’ ex has secretly signed a deal to appear on the show for the season’s final half.

TOKYO – A Japanese mobster shot and injured two policemen at a train station last Friday after the officers caught him trying to take a peek up a woman’s skirt.

NASHVILLE – Not all crickets sound alike. That’s what country singer Cyndi Thomson discovered while recording her hit, “I Always Liked that Best,” which ends with cricket chirps. She says the engineer listened to 50 kinds of crickets before deciding that Georgia crickets had the right sound.

AUCKLAND, N.Z. – These days, New Zealand money is all wet in Auckland – literally. The city is being plagued by counterfeit cash made with ink that runs when dipped in water. As a result, business owners are soaking all bills to make sure they’re the real, waterproof, thing.